For imperial_saga

[the_plan_must_continue]

#1


Most interesting, this crystal.

It'll be useful for keeping in touch with Lord Xykon. Or perhaps for negotiations.

I am... You know what? Just call me Redcloak. Seriously, everyone else has for decades. I DO have a name you know...

Anyways. I represent the goblin peoples of the swamplands of Karemond.

I will make this clear now: I do not like humans. Your actions against our peoples have been horrific beyond measure. However, I am not a goblin incapable of reason, and I am open to fair negotiations to produce a better state for my people, not that I expect any of you to take the offer.

#2

*This diner is, by all definitions, very seedy. It's most famous for its horrifically bad coffee. Here is where some humans willing to go into less-reputable places - and smart enough to not say things that could get them attacked by the twenty-some customers and staff inside - might find Redcloak, pouring over a small swarm of documents from a corner booth.*

Who made this plan, seriously, it's very inefficient...

#3


*Tight quarters in an underground cave system form the backdrop for this wing of a moderate-scale battle between a sizeable goblin force and your army. The goblins are on an entrenched defense, and behind a small team of swordsgoblins stands a cleric.*

Good idea, going for the not-at-all-secret side path that'd allow you to strike my forces in a pincer formation.

Too bad I saw it coming, really. Once I take you down, victory will be assured!

Comments

[nomen_est_numen]

"Yes, but why on earth would you want to communicate with that twit?"

And this is Shen being civil.

[the_plan_must_continue]

*After a few seconds of Redcloak figuring out how to secure the tag...*

He's useful.

[nomen_est_numen]

"Oh, well, I suppose one's got to have a moving target," he concedes. "Keeps things interesting."

[the_plan_must_continue]

I do have to admit, he's odd... But he isn't too hard to point in a direction. He's wise enough to know I have an INT advantage.

[nomen_est_numen]

"You do realise that's not saying much?" Shen inquires archly. He really must not have anything else to do if he's engaging in witticisms with a complete stranger. You can't train in kung fu and conscript soldiers 27/7, after all.

[the_plan_must_continue]

Haven't seen anyone else actually getting good results with it.

[nomen_est_numen]

"Oh, so?" This little green ... lizard... somethingorother might have some useful information, so Shen does his best to look interested.

[the_plan_must_continue]

You say this like it's actually interesting and you're not just farming for information that frankly anyone could tell by just looking at him.

[nomen_est_numen]

"Oh, but it is interesting. You see, this Daikon fellow and I have a bit of a history." Yes, he deliberately mispronounces the name, and it'll only get more egregious as time goes on, but he's British-sounding enough to get away with it. "Any advantage I can gain over him is worth quite a lot."

[the_plan_must_continue]

Well, don't ask me.

Really, I don't know how I could help you much, even if I cared to.

1

[grandtheftmecha]

I'm not inclined to trust goblins for fair negotiations, so I guess it's a good thing I'm no politician.

Re: 1

[the_plan_must_continue]

Can't say I think much better of your sort.

[grandtheftmecha]

Hey, we can agree not to trust each other! That's somethign.

[the_plan_must_continue]

Good of you to try and keep things straightforward.

Not that it'll bring you any mercy when it's your kingdom's turn.

[grandtheftmecha]

Here's a tip - save us for last so you actually stand a chance.

[the_plan_must_continue]

... Wait, you seriously think you're a bigger threat than Amestris?

[grandtheftmecha]

Just because they're huge and militant doesn't make them better!

[the_plan_must_continue]

What sort of advantage can make up for a larger, better-organized military, pray tell?

[grandtheftmecha]

Heart! Guts! Patriotism!

[the_plan_must_continue]

We'll see how those hold up in time.

[grandtheftmecha]

We sure as hell will!

2

[helldoken]

Dress up in the skin of enemy soldiers, go up to them, pretend that we're friends, and give 'em a good stab straight through the spine.

It's genius. Shut up.

[And here comes Black Mage who decides, yes, he will sit in front of Redcloak today.]

Re: 2

[the_plan_must_continue]

Not that your tactical genius goes unappreciated, but what with you killing the waitress last week, I thought that you were banned from this place?

*Apparently, this place is used to that... The exact waitress Black Mage stabbed who-besides-him-knows-how-many times is working, good as new, and in fact just delivered the latest cup of horrifying black sludge to Black Mage.*

Extreme violence warning

[helldoken]

I was. But see, diners have a hierarchical system that works from the bottom-up. If I kill everyone who remembers the ban, then we'll finally get to the point where we get someone who doesn't in management.

[Black Mage looks down at the black sludge and then at the waitress.]

I ordered decaf. This isn't decaf.

[He stands up on his chair and leaps out at her. From his robe, he pulls out a knife and stabs the waitress, grabs the cup from on the table, and pours its contents deep into the wound made.]

Could you send this back? Thanks. And get me my decaf.

Re: Extreme violence warning

[the_plan_must_continue]

*And Redcloak just STARES.*

[helldoken]

[Leaving the waitress, who is sufficiently dead right now lying in a puddle of coffee sludge and blood, Black Mage returns to his seat.]

But yeah, I'm welcomed here.

[the_plan_must_continue]

... Must you tick off whatever security is around every time you go anywhere?

[helldoken]

Hey, if they weren't so stabbable or electrocutable, maybe I'd think twice.

[the_plan_must_continue]

Truly, the soundest logic to come out of you in years.

[helldoken]

Look, are we here to discuss strategy or not? What we all want is to kill as many people as we can. I'm the embodiment of the Rift and you're a goblin with a smell, old cloak. We're both good at doing that.

[the_plan_must_continue]

No, what you want is to kill as many people as you can. What I want is to make sure we conquer as much of this kingdom as possible, with as few goblin casualties as possible, and ensure nothing stands in the way of our primary goal.

The two, believe it or not, are not perfectly aligned. Not that you will lack for chances to kill, but this requires a finer eye than your... Typical methodologies.

Oh, look behind you. I think security's coming.

[helldoken]

Says the guy who trusts me and a lich to keep casualties, goblin or otherwise, down. And at least I'm the one who tries contributing. Do you know how many goblins would have died if I didn't make that bridge over the chasm out of goblin corpses? There, I already saved some of your goblin lives.

Fire-3.

[Black Mage raises an arm at the incoming guards. They burst into flames without even a chance to fight back.]

[the_plan_must_continue]

As opposed to just letting me use a common spell to make a bridge?

And I only care about Goblin casualties.

Oh, look out for the mage.

*The mage who is now casting "Make Black Mage puke his guts out." Because Sarda's been here apparently.*

[helldoken]

[See all those guts? Of course you do, Redcloak. Your face is now covered with them. This ought to teach you for sitting right in front of the man targeted by the spell.]

[the_plan_must_continue]

...

Just get out of here and let me work on this some.

#2

[force_and_style]

...Didn't I wreck this place up in the prequel? I'm not sure rebuilding it was the best move on their part. I'm still kind of angry about the whole 'taste buds' thing, you know.

Re: #2

[the_plan_must_continue]

Actually, sir, checking through the book in question...

You sliced the Succubus who was working as a waitress in half, then broke one booth and one window.

So no, the place was definitely not destroyed. Also, given their clientele, they have really good insurance for this sorta thing. Apparently you were the third person to break that particular window that week.

[force_and_style]

Like I can be bothered to keep track of every place I blast, and to what degree. That's why I purchase fine comic products soon to be more readily available if you donate to the Kickstarter campaign.

Which we make no appearance in. But Dark Sun gets a parody? I better be a dragon-king.

[the_plan_must_continue]

... I thought we weren't supposed to break the fourth wall as much in Imperial Saga, sir.

Doesn't help that I actually don't know Dark Sun at all.

[force_and_style]

We're not there at the moment. And we're still allowed to mess with it. Game mechanics references and all.

Like I'd hang out somewhere where I had to call it a 'powerful blah of blah magic' instead of 'a level nine spell'.