General voice test

[ursa_minor]

-1-

[The rule was laid down very firmly: "Under no circumstances, no matter what, even if it's a matter of life and death, are you ever, EVER to look into the maintenance closet after midnight. You'll probably get cursed or something."

As soon as all authority figures were out of earshot, however...]

So who's going to help me get into that closet tonight?

-2-

[Dipper always seems to have that book with him. The kind of beaten up old one with a hand on the cover. Heck he's reading it right now while everyone else is having fun.

Rather loud fun.]

Can you guys keep it down a bit? I'm trying to research something important but it's hard with everyone yelling in my ear!

-3-

[After a lot of ominous noises, Dipper comes bursting in through the door and slams it shut behind him, panting for breath.]

Hah...hah...Hi everyone. Nothing to worry about today! Just need some heavy objects to put in front of this door.

[There was the sound of some kind of animal roaring.]

Also don't look outside.

Comments

2

[mystery_s_hack]

Important? Kid, what's more important than the Wrestling with Ferrets semi-final?

[ursa_minor]

What isn't more important than that?

[mystery_s_hack]

Whaaaaaat? But this is Crimson Fur's big chance to finally make a go at the title! This is a real cultural milestone here!

[ursa_minor]

Maybe we can compromise. For example I think you've got the volume all the way up to max right now.

[mystery_s_hack]

That's because you can't just WATCH Wrestling with Ferrets! You gotta FEEL it! In your BONES!

[ursa_minor]

You'd think you'd want to feel the bass for elephant wrestling. Ferrets are kind of small.

[mystery_s_hack]

Well yeah, why do you think I gotta turn the volume to max?

[ursa_minor]

One of us needs to invest in headphones.

[mystery_s_hack]

Great idea, kid! Start saving.

[ursa_minor]

Wait that's not what I meant!

[mystery_s_hack]

First said, first serve! Now quiet, things are getting good.

[ursa_minor]

[Shuts book and stalks off to find a new reading spot, while grumbling.]

Stupid ferrets, stupid TV, not even that good at wrestling...

3

[missing_link]

[As suddenly as it began, the roaring stops, and the shadow looming over the house is gone.]

[A minute or two later, there's the sound of something scratching at the door.]

[ursa_minor]

[Oh god what now.

After another few seconds of relative quiet, Dipper leans over and carefully tries to peer through the window at an angle to see what is outside the door.]

[missing_link]

Habagrybo!

[Look at this precious creature! HOW COULD YOU BE AFRAID OF THIS.]

[ursa_minor]

...

[He scans around a few more times, as if something that big could be hiding under a picnic bench or behind Stan's car.]

Where'd it go?

[1]

[sweaterlord]

[one does not ASK where Mabel pops out of.

one can only try and survive the encounter.

Mabel, airborne from her leap from god knows where, latches onto the back of Dipper's head like a bug on a tree.]

I AM!

[ursa_minor]

[cue comic flailing.]

AAAHHHHH-oh it's you.

[sweaterlord]

Ahaha!

[she carefully climbs down to the ground and lowers her voice to a stage whisper, as if that will somehow cancel out all the screaming they just did.]

So how are we getting in? I've got a grappling hook and I'm not afraid to use it!

[ursa_minor]

We don't need the grappling hook.

[Very firm about that one, no more broken windows. Or lamps. Or childhood toys.]

I was thinking we'd just go sneak in after dark. Nothing fancy.

[sweaterlord]

Got it. I'll get the after-dark camouflage ready.

[ursa_minor]

Great! That'll be-

...You have after-dark camo?

[sweaterlord]

I will by tonight!

[ursa_minor]

...It's going to be a doofy sweater, isn't it?

[sweaterlord]

Ohhhh...you'll see.

[sweaterlord]

[SMASH CUT TO LATER THAT NIGHT

They are both wearing sweaters--more accurately, turtlenecks with collars that roll all the way up the face with holes for the eyes and mouth, ski mask style.]

See? What did I tell you?

[ursa_minor]

I'm still not sure how you talked me into wearing this thing, but it's surprisingly comfortable!

[sweaterlord]

See? What did I tell you, bro-bro?

Mwop! [She grabs Dipper's sweater collar and pulls it all the way up his face so now they have matching ski-mask faces.]

[ursa_minor]

[Stealth level: one million.]

Let's go.

[sweaterlord]

[Mabel slowly reaches out for the door knob of the maintenance closet, turns it carefully...

...and then THROWS IT WIDE OPEN, practically splintering the door in the process.

SHE IS SO READY FOR WHATEVER IS IN HERE. SO. READY.]

[ursa_minor]

[Was she ready for just a single glowing eyeball, filling up the whole doorway?]

Close it close it close it close it close it!

[sweaterlord]

AAAAUUUGH!!

[First, Mabel punches it. A good, solid knuckle sandwich right in the pupil.

And THEN she closes it, throwing herself against the shut door as a barricade.]

[ursa_minor]

[Pushing himself against the door next to her.]

Don't look in the closet after midnight.

Good rule.

Ha ha.

Ha.

[sweaterlord]

Let's never speak of this again.

[sweaterlord]

....

Hey, you wanna go dig up that spot marked with a red X behind the Shack?

[ursa_minor]

Have you ever heard of quitting while you're ahead?

[sweaterlord]

Awww, but come on Dipper, who knows what's buried under there! It could be candy! Or glitter.

[gasp]

Or glittery candy! Like sprinkles, but better.

[ursa_minor]

You can't-

There isn't-

[There's any number of reasons why this is a bad idea, but stopping her now would be like kicking a puppy.]

...I'll get a shovel.

1

[booty_chaser]

[For all response, Ashe grins and holds up a pair of fence pliers that definitely look strong enough to break the chains locking said closet]

Way ahead of you, Dip!

[ursa_minor]

Nice! Where'd you get those?

[They won't be noticed missing will they?]

[booty_chaser]

I'm a ruin explorer, remember? I'm good at getting into places people don't want me to!

[The older girl winks]

Now all we have to do is wait for midnight and get in there to check it out!

[ursa_minor]

Great! Mabel says she has some kind of camouflage, so we'll be all ready when the time comes.

[You remember Mabel, right? The one who spent most of today chasing around a pig? She'll definitely be helpful.]

[booty_chaser]

Are you sure you can trust her? If she blabs you'll be in all sorts of trouble, you know.

[ursa_minor]

I would trust her with my life.

[booty_chaser]

Well, I guess you'd know her better than I do.

[Because honestly she seemed to be ditzy and not the kind of person you'd tell anything secret to, but hey. Ashe is nothing if not optimistic about people. Bring on that Mabel]

So what do you think will be there? I hope it's evidence of some secret conspiracy. Or a monster!

[ursa_minor]

I'll bet you a dollar it's both.

[booty_chaser]

I'll take that bet. That way, if we find something, awesome, and if we find nothing, well, at least I'll have a dollar!